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I was mourning my baby after childbirth—then my 8-year-old son whispered, “Mom, she’s not gone. I saw what Daddy did.


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I knew that twenty. My mother had given it to him for his birthday on the ninth of April and he had been guarding it like a dragon for eight weeks.

“Hey,” I said. “What are you saving up for?”

And he stopped. He actually froze, with his fingers still in the jar.

Then he said, “My sister.”

My chest went tight in a way I didn’t have any defense against.

I came in and sat down on his bed and pulled him in, and I said the thing you’re supposed to say. I’d been given a leaflet. I’d been told to be concrete with children, not to use vague language.

I said, “Eli. I know you miss her so much. But we can’t get her back, sweetheart. She’s gone.”

And he pulled out of my arms.

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